Visiting Sun City

Well it's been a good long time since I've been here to leave breadcrumbs. I've been having some kind of bad days inside my head lately. Depressing thoughts on the ultimate reality of my situation and the little I can do about it. I'm afraid I haven't been handling it well. I've been trying to wait it out, walk it off, as it were. So far, it has been persistent and cyclical.

I've got some ideas about what I'd like to paint next. Yesterday I broke down an did a yellow, orange background with a foreground of buildings in oil stick. I'm liking the oil stick but it does tend to make a mess on the floor rather easily. I should use them on the deck but I can't organize myself enough to do that most days. They are fast to start and stop, so except for the mess they are great. Well, it's also hard to make narrow lines with them. Just another gripe.

I can tell it's been a  long time since I've written anything of length because as I type, I'm getting sleepy. When I was in my stride the typing would invigorate me and make me pound the keys harder and faster as I got farther along. But it is relaxing to hear the voices passing information about the rules in my head as I type. I can hear them quickly go through the same old rule arguments that I tackled in the past as I type the words. They move quickly onto the main stage, argue the lesson and then, just as quickly, pack up and move on to make room for the next act. Obviously I should try some longer form writing again, maybe a short story.

Summer is moving on. The smoky air has blown away for now and the morning are becoming crisp and fall like. Very nice but, of course, concerning because of the speed at which I notice the time passing. And that thought brings me back to the dark thoughts again. I understand now how one can ride the out-of-control toboggan down the hill, trees and times whizzing by, until the end. Wheeee, indeed.

The long awaited reunion of the old band members occurred and it was good and thought-provoking. Most interesting was hearing how the others had spent their lives. Remarkable. Everyone finds their way through the tangle of responsibilities and occurrences, good and bad, to where we are now. Like a game, we remember those of us that didn't make it, left on the sidelines, gone to the green room, sent to the showers, while the rest of us slog on to our own ends. Wow. Did it again. Anyway the gathering went well and while I didn't get enough time to talk to some, the conversations go on and on inside my head even now. It will take me a while to process the entire visit.

I'm hoping to clear my mind enough now so that I can get to the painting I want to do. Several things are in my mind. A couple new and then I'd like to fix some older pictures. But I'm having trouble seeing a path to follow. I suppose it's like Jose says, just start and trust in the process. OK, I don't think he really said that, but it'll do for now.

More later,


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