Bad Night Ends

Friday morning and I'm up and slogging along. I still feel weak and achy. I need to get up and move more but my back aches in the morning especially. I think it's because of the way I turn back and forth in the night. I must turn back and forth 20 - 25 times in a night, sometimes more. Yesterday afternoon I took a nap for a little over an hour in the new chair in the front room hoping that it might make up for the sleep I didn't have in the night, but it might have made my sleep worse. I need to get up and go sit in the front room if I can't sleep at night. I shouldn't lie in bed awake at night, it's bad for me and for Sue.

I went to the doctor yesterday and told her my sad story and pretty much snake-eyes. I was hoping that she would tell me that maybe anti-depressants could help me in the short run. Instead she said that they could take up to 4 weeks to work and how would we be sure that I wasn't getting better on my own. She said to not take any more pain pills and start eating more fruits and vegetables and to get more activity in my days. The eating would be easier if I had more fruits and vegetables on hand here at the house. I stopped taking the pain pills last night. I was only taking one at night since I've been home and i really don't think they were helping that much with the pain in the afternoon and evenings. The activity is just tough for me to get out and do. My legs and back hurt so it's always an easier choice to try to find a comfortable position instead of going out and making it worse.

Consequently, everything feels weaker every day. It's a cycle I have to break pretty soon or I will auger into the ground and coming back will be harder than I can accomplish.

Just like those issues, while I'm sitting here in front of my keyboard in the office I feel like I'm surrounded by difficult, un-fun choices. It's depressing to sit here and try to avoid everything I need to do. Taxes, drawing, writing, clearing up the dozens of little important problems and chores that need to be dealt with to avoid going down the same sticky holes again in a few months or next year, whenever.

I will divide these things up and focus on one at a time.

More later,


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