Thought Penance

I have very little done today except for some intense thinking about what I'm going to do with my Neuraxiom website.

This morning I got an email from a visitor of the site asking for help deciding what the best block would be for him to do for his total knee patients and asking me to add the TAP block to the site. I have been so focused on writing and art and all the other petty obsessions that might help me make some sense of the things inside me that need to come out one way or another, that I had trouble shifting gears to answer his question. I was afraid I would give dangerous advice or my response would show how obviously out-of-touch I was.

I had to write him back explaining that I'd retired and felt so far from the world of patient care and nerve blocks that I didn't feel that I could give clinical advice anymore.

I actually had to go back to my site and read some of the things I'd written just to get the scent of the previous 40 years back in my mind. These days it feels farther away than ever and getting back into the headspace is harder and harder. I can tell that very soon I will be unable to form a coherent and safe thought about all that stuff.

This made me think more about the ultimate resting place for the site. If I don't resolve it soon it will have to be shut down and its usefulness will have ended. Maybe that's what will have to happen but for once I'd like to not drive a great opportunity away. It has happened so many times in my life.

My response to the email sparked a flurry of emails back and forth. He answered; yes I see but what about adding a TAP block to your site, to which I answered; I'd like to but I have nothing original and helpful to say about TAP blocks and I don't have enough experience to actually teach the block. A couple more rounds and he wished me luck and left disappointed.

The truth is either I should have started the whole endeavor years sooner or I should have kept it up for a lot longer. I couldn't have actually done either of those things. I did the best I could. Someone else needs to take the site over.

More later,


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