Lingering and Malingering

Skipped writing for a day or two. Yesterday was the followup with the surgeon. He was happy with my progress and healing. I told him I was just not 100% yet and my evenings and nights were not pleasant. He said it takes time to get back to normal. I'm hoping that's true and I begin to feel better soon.

It feels as though the bindings that hold the different portions of my life together have come loose and my life is separating and dispersing. I can't explain it any better than that. Unraveling is happening.

Every morning I struggle to call the night over and to get up from bed. Even before getting up, I hold a great argument and bargaining session to arrive at what I will have to do to get going. It's usually the minimum.

Once up. I move ahead with what I've agreed to do but somehow I feel as though I'm just barely making it down the list. Most days, it becomes apparent that I'm not motivated and it takes very little to derail me and make me feel sick and weak. It's not all the time but it's generally every day.

If I go out to get to appointments and errands, I usually feel like it was a mistake and I'm not going to make it halfway through my list of things to do. There are times I wonder just what is going to happen to me when I hit the end.

More later,

(Photo by Melusina Parkin)