Tag, you know.

OK. I'm writing something just so you know that I remembered. But after sorting out the usual email harassments and calling a few customer service lines. I've decided to cut the blog short so that i can actually begin a couple activities earlier. I've been dancing around and putting off the paint on canvas thing long enough.

Every day I find reasons to put it off until, well, it's just too darn late to start now. That's the routine anyway. The only way around this is to jump in. I'm afraid that I'm going to suck at it so badly that I'll abandon it like a hot potato.

I have to get it through my head that I won't be good at first, but I've built it up so much in my mind that I'm afraid of the repercussions when I see what I can do. I've tried this before, a long time ago, and I still remember the let down of my attempts. It was depressing. I'm going to have to steel myself for that and push on through it. It may take some time but I will get to where i want to go with this.

I believe I can do this. I'm not the same person who tried it 35 years ago. I've learned a lot since then. I expected to be able to pick up a brush and put down my thoughts on the first try. I know now that's not how it works. I have to look deeper and see what I'm trying to say in the painting. I have to have a goal for a picture. I'm not trying to make a photograph when I paint. That's a different thing. But I do have to look for he elements inside the picture.

Anyway I have to start first. Always that step. I need to remember that I can paint over what ever I do. But even now I worry that my hands won't do what I want. I guess I just have to work with them. While I was painting tiles yesterday, I felt myself reaching for the undo key while I worked. I have to get used to the medium. I will get used to the medium. I'll get it. There's so much involved.


More later,

Photo by Alex Wolfe on Unsplash


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