Making Book

We start from Go and proceed onward toward the inevitable. Blank, totally blank, these are my thoughts as I sit to write this morning. It won't stop me, but I just wanted you to know that, once again, no plan on where I'm going.

It intrigues me that when I think back on the first conscious thoughts of the morning, it's usually about what I was just dreaming. The thought is, I need to get back to it and see where it goes. They never go anywhere, by the way. That's probably not news, just saying.

It's almost like I expect to finally find some deeper meaning in my dreams. God knows, most of them aren't that much fun, and thinking about it, they're more punishing by nature and why I'd ever want to return to those scenes is beyond me now. Still, it's what I do.

The "caught in a cycle" theme is vastly overplayed in my dreams. Usually caught in a pointless cycle that makes no sense. A fever dream or on drugs maybe. Painting some surface with book covers, over and over in order to right the ship or keep the walls intact. I think I can be cruising along and suddenly it turns a corner and I stick at some pointless drill, continuously repeating the same silly actions desperate to get it right on the next go round to finish the task and move on. There is always something thwarting me or impeding my will and movements, just to add frustration to the scenario.

The theme of pointless repetition occurs to me a lot. It's kind of a idee fixe in my life. Maybe that just means that I recognize is as a frequent pattern, or if not frequent, one that concerns or bothers me a great deal. The model is not something I do, but something I think about or relive at night. For some reason it is one of the large "things" in my life. I need to find the correct word for what I'm thinking about. I want to say; thema, or canon or thought arrangement or construction or pattern. I should spend a little time trying to find the right word.

I'm moving on here.

More later,


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