On the Job

Poised for take off and great things. So far, so good. Already to this part and have taken care of several things on the list. So many more to do but it is encouraging. 

Went for a drive with Ashton last evening to get a treat. In the little car, top down, nice evening. Had a nice conversation. She's really a fun kid and I love her a lot. I told her about what  TV was like when I was a kid and how the shows portrayed the world as a scary place, where assault, kidnapping, and scary accidents happened all the time. I think it made me extra cautious. Except for the Christmas shows where nothing bad happened at the Ponderosa or on the Wagon Train, and even Dr. Richard Kimball could rest for a little while without the constant harassment and threat. 

I asked her if she saw the world as a scary place and she said yes. I wonder how much of that view I built for her. The world still seems scary to me but I know it's not nearly as bad as I picture it. It couldn't be. 

It was my upbringing that taught me to fear the world and most everything in it. When I tried to go out into it, I was given the message that it wasn't safe and that I'd gotten away with it this time but next time I probably wouldn't be as lucky. 

I see around me examples of a different kind of childhood where risk-taking was encouraged and the child was therefore "encouraged". Something that I never really had, and once you don't have it, it's natural to pass on the "not-having" to your kids and so on. 

I should have been sedated when I first had children so I would get out of their way. But my children are smarter and better people than I. They will do a better job with their kids. They both have lots of compassion in them and that may see them through. I hope so. I love them both so much.


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