A Matter of Little Importance

Fret not!

I have only just returned from a provisioning journey to Costco and it was a harrowing test of the spirit. Fraught, I tell you, at every turn, with peril and temptation. Forced by impending privation to decide between the Christian needs of the everlasting soul and carnival excesses of the primordial forests.

Driven to take lives and survive by the most base motivations, we ate only the bark of the pine and the samples offered by the indigenous people we encountered among the aisles. We did not ask the source of the comestibles available for fear that our very souls were being tainted by partaking of them. We sought only to keep body and spirit together until we could reach the outposts of civilization and warm embrace of the Christian community.

Fortunately, I was raised amongst the wild wolf packs of northern Kansas and therefore am used to ill-treatment, privation and the rough trade of wilderness survival.

Our lives were in doubt almost from the beginning. We were forced to eat our guides and fellow travelers during the first week away from the frontier barricades. They put up stern resistance but in the end we won out, thank the Lord.

It happened that we killed many more than necessary and so we salted and dried those that we could and left the rest to return to nature in the normal manner, thankful for their sacrifice. We wasted very little, making overshoes and fashionable hats from their offal.

Praise be.