Answers only come to a troubled mind.
After another night of tossing and turning and dreaming of ridiculous things, this morning as I lay, trying for some unknown reason to re-enter a scattered and frustrating dream, I saw a picture I wanted to paint. While it wasn't by any means a complete allegorical picture, it was a pleasant color composition that could act as a jumping off point toward a painting I would like to see. More importantly, it didn't flash away into the lost-thoughts bin when I began moving around. It stayed in my mind to even-now. After breakfast, as I took my place on the back deck with the dogs for our morning recon, I drew a rough drawing of it using the 42 pencil and paper app on my phone. As I did, I saw other places where it could become stronger. I call that progress.
If I keep the pressure on my mind and more of these pictures come to mind, I'd say I am changing in the way I wanted. We will see what happens next. I will paint today's picture after this and then consider tomorrow's.
As I was meditating, I thought of another scene I would like to visit. It was arriving at my grandparents house after dark, with my parents and sister(s). We would leave after my dad got home from work at the fort, probably 6 or 7 pm in the winter and we'd drive for 3-4 hours to get there about 10-11 pm. It would be dark and I'd usually be just coming awake as we'd get there and see grandpa's smokestack come into view. When we'd pull up the long driveway and park around back of the big old Victorian house where they lived, the back porch lights would come on and grandma would come out the back door to welcome us.
This scene only probably occurred 3 or 4 times in my life, but it took its place as what a welcome was in my mind. Waking up in her house and coming down to breakfast in the morning, smelling the coffee and ham or bacon frying in the big cold kitchen was another indelible memory that I still hold onto.
Anyway, I wonder if I could paint a picture that expressed that feeling. Yellow light spilling out of a dark porch in a winter night. Ghostly figures of trees and a barn, an outdoor pump and the back of a house appearing in the night like a dock in a fogged in harbor.
There must be other scenes like that I could try and capture on canvas.
I was planning to go into town to pick up a prescription and some stuff from the home store but I think I'd prefer just to get on with it today. I will ask Ben to take pictures in the back yard for my uses.
We may hope and watch for the change to occur.
More later,
If I keep the pressure on my mind and more of these pictures come to mind, I'd say I am changing in the way I wanted. We will see what happens next. I will paint today's picture after this and then consider tomorrow's.
As I was meditating, I thought of another scene I would like to visit. It was arriving at my grandparents house after dark, with my parents and sister(s). We would leave after my dad got home from work at the fort, probably 6 or 7 pm in the winter and we'd drive for 3-4 hours to get there about 10-11 pm. It would be dark and I'd usually be just coming awake as we'd get there and see grandpa's smokestack come into view. When we'd pull up the long driveway and park around back of the big old Victorian house where they lived, the back porch lights would come on and grandma would come out the back door to welcome us.This scene only probably occurred 3 or 4 times in my life, but it took its place as what a welcome was in my mind. Waking up in her house and coming down to breakfast in the morning, smelling the coffee and ham or bacon frying in the big cold kitchen was another indelible memory that I still hold onto.
Anyway, I wonder if I could paint a picture that expressed that feeling. Yellow light spilling out of a dark porch in a winter night. Ghostly figures of trees and a barn, an outdoor pump and the back of a house appearing in the night like a dock in a fogged in harbor.
There must be other scenes like that I could try and capture on canvas.
I was planning to go into town to pick up a prescription and some stuff from the home store but I think I'd prefer just to get on with it today. I will ask Ben to take pictures in the back yard for my uses.
We may hope and watch for the change to occur.
More later,
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