A Meter for Mindfulness

Strange night, strange dreams, not unusual at all. I'm getting more and more used to just being glad the night is over. Although sometimes it feels as if it's not going to let me go quite so easily.

Today I must write something and I don't think I'm getting any closer to the use of the classical structure in the story. I must be going about this the wrong way. I need to make the story and then adapt it to the structure. Whatever the way it is time to begin again. A couple days off without writing have left me feeling very unsure and lost about it. I was feeling better before so I must start again.

So what will it be today? What kind of story can I make? I could try to write one true thing and see where that took me. I liked the older way of writing without a plan. Just start and see where it took me. I think maybe that's the way to begin today. I definitely will get something started that way. Whether it leads anywhere or not. I suppose at the very worst, I could have to throw it out and start over. I've done that before and at least it was good practice.

Where should I begin? I need a place to start the writing. The circus keeps popping up in front of me but I think that's because I saw a program on Joseph Merrick last night. It was woefully short of substance. Lots of supposition and dramatic what ifs.

The other option is to begin writing dialog which is fun but I'm not sure that it's the best thing for me in terms of moving ahead.

I'm not writing anything here and that is not getting me anywhere either. I'm mostly looking at the screen or keyboard and moon-calfing. Daydreaming is highly unproductive when you are my age. Because it consists largely of staring blankly at the screen and emptying my mind. This is exactly what I wanted to be doing when I meditated but then my mind was racing with all kinds of thoughts. I must need to reverse the order in which I do things in the morning. So that my mind empties when I meditate and races when I write. I never get it right.

Writing this blog is the what I do right after I check the email which follows meditating. I should try flipping the things around and see if it helps my concentration. My hands are warmed up there's no need to postpone the inevitable.

More later,